Today, I made the decision.. to shelf my earlier decision. Temporarily. I think.

In all honesty, it was made on a whim. Without any clear motivation. I am as undecided about it as I was earlier in the day, or yesterday or the week before. But I had to make a decision, and so I made it.

Going forward, it seems to be a right move to make, though I admit that the lure of a free life was very seductive, and that the path I have taken seems a bit selfish, and its probably going to cost someone (hopefully, not me) dearly (or not dearly, maybe undearly, or deerly, or venison. maybe beefly? or chickenly? wallaby!)

I've not lost my desire to strike it out on my own. After evaluating my position, I feel that I still need some more time to re-evaluate that direction.

It will also give me a chance to further strengthen my available capital, and allow me time to do the things that I want to do, which I feel I may not do even when I am not employed. Self-motivation has always been a problem.

In any case, I have made my choice. At the very least, my situation is slightly different than last year because I have a 'get out' clause, which I can exercise at any time after giving one month's notice. Which means that I always have the option to walk away should I so feel like it.

Maybe a few months is all I need to think about what I really want to do.

But one thing I do know is that I also have another job opportunity which seems very interesting (and in my league) from Stream's friend. If I get the chance to do that job I will probably jump at it.

For now though, I am staying put. For how long more, I do not yet know. Yet I am very much aware that I am not become any younger. And people 10 years younger than me are sailing off into the distance while Im stuck on a sinking sampan.

I am also very much aware that I have to get off at some point lest I drown.

Better collect as much lifesavers before I jump though. Or maybe a life raft. And some clean underwear as well.


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